My parents have been in the end of life medical equipment business for 35 years. In that time I have seen the frontline of family interaction during a time of unbearable crisis. The thing I always remember is the dueling “mom would have wanted” fights. As a parent of 2 children, I have discussed my wants and needs with all my children and my husband if the unthinkable were to happen. Have you sat down and written your “end of life” advance health care directives? It can be a difficult chore, to be sure. Carrying out your wishes, can be a difficult chore, too, especially for the palliative care doctors and hospice medical staff who will carry out your decisions.
Some of these challenges were recently featured in an article titled Amongst Doctors, Fierce Reluctance to Let Go on the New Old Age Blog at the New York Times. Indeed, we live in a culture of medicine aimed at preserving life. However, when does such “medicine” actually get in the way and prolong biological life beyond what is desired by the patient?
In addition to the medical culture of preserving life, the family of the patient receiving care can be a powerful force in the mix. Many times they do not want to let go, even though their loved one is ready. Add these three ingredients together – the medical culture, the patient’s wishes and the family’s fears of loss – and you have a recipe for conflict.
The palliative or hospice care doctor is well attuned to the intentions of their patient and their wishes. Unfortunately, the rest of the medical community and the patient’s own family may be less attuned. In fact, they may be hostile at best and litigious at worst.
I recommend reading the original article, as you will better appreciate the unfortunate tension thrust upon so many healthcare professionals in these cases. On the other hand, the lessons gleaned may encourage you to design advance health care directives with clarity and then communicate your wishes to your primary care doctor and family members now.
Reference: The New York Times -- The New Old Age Blog (March 29, 2012) “Amongst Doctors, Fierce Reluctance to Let Go”
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